This site no longer supports Internet Explorer 8 or other older browsers. Please use a modern browser.
At Jack White's headlining performance in Gulf Shores, Alabama last night, Guinness officials were anxiously awaiting the beginning of Mr. White’s concert (the start of which is apparently very difficult to determine stated Guinness Records reps, music being played notwithstanding). They were there so that they could begin the exhausting process of counting each and every metaphor that occurred onstage as Mr. White attempted to break the record of most metaphors in a single concert.
They definitely had a task in front of them as in the first song alone, three officials that were flown in from the Guinness world headquarters in the anteroom of the Salt and Muskrat pub in Tipperary, counted no less than twelve hundred and three metaphors in three minutes.
Some metaphors were lyrical and others came from moments such as lighting changes and even the calm weather itself during the chorus which momentarily had the feel of Grandma's house in winter. By the seventh song alone the hard work led two of the Guinness officials to wander to the catering table, leaving the counting to their partner who, new to the grueling scientific process involved, accidentally counted 312 similes and three mere comparisons.
Metaphors were occurring in the thousands by this point, some coming from the clothing the musicians had on, others from the colors used on one of the microphone cables which were easter candy blue, making the task of counting extremely trivial or at the very least hard work.
Then tragedy struck and the record attempt had to be forfeited by Jack White when during the second half of the set Mr. White trivialized a metaphor by saying it too quickly. It was something about the moon being a faucet of light but was uttered too fast to be counted.
Guinness representatives will return to tomorrow night's show to begin the exhaustive, scientific, and absolutely authoritative and factual process all over again.
Third Man Records is proud to announce that Jack White has again decided to take on the tremendous challenge of getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.
During the rest of the performances on his current tour supporting his new album “Blunderbuss” (which incidentally is currently in the running for the world record of “the fastest named album in history” *pending), Jack White will every night on stage attempt to break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert.
The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. We are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness’ usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.
Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question. In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.
Let’s all help to make history folks! Thank you and we’ll see you in the record books!
A great big thank you from Jack White and Third Man Records to AEG/Messina group and The Ryman in Nashville. Not only for this beautiful framed blunderbuss, but for the great reception, beautiful venue and two amazing sold out shows. The past two evenings were very special and we thank The Ryman and all of Jack's fans for helping make it possible.
The Black Belles have just 3 shows left of their epic first ever tour of the United Kingdom, but they have no intentions of slowing down. As soon as they are home they'll be re-packing up the van and hitting the road again and all of those new tour dates are below.
May 26 - Nashville, TN - The Basement
May 31 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle
June 12 - Cincinnati, OH - The Comet
June 13 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland
June 14 - Toronto, ON - The Garrison
June 15 - Toronto, ON - The Horseshoe
June 16 - New York, NY - Knitting Factory
June 17 - Washington, DC - Montserrat
June 18 - Asheville, NC - the Emerald Lounge
June 19 - Atlanta, GA - the Earl
We'd also like to announce that the sale for the Tri Color editions of their latest single "Wishing Well" will take place in the UK on Saturday, May 19th. 100 copies of the limited edition Tri Color single will be split up between 5 shops across the UK, which are listed below. Please contact the stores directly for details on their sale times, etc... 50 Tri Colors will be inserted in randomly into mail orders from Third Man as well.
5 -6 St John’s Centre
Open Saturday 9am
53 Oldham St
Open saturday 9am
28 Kensington Gardens
Ph: 01273 606312
Open Saturday 9am
Rough Trade Records
130 Talbot Road
Ph: 0207 229 8541
Open Saturday 9am
Rough Trade Records
Open Saturday 9 am
We'd like to announce a new innovation in the VISUAL ARTS... More appealing on the eyes and intellect then a regular two dimensional poster and not at all irritating like one of those early 90's "Magic Eye" posters... it's the all new new Triple Decker Poster!
The Triple Decker Poster was created, designed and printed by Matthew Jacobson and Bryce McCloud using techniques from both the 15th AND 21st Centuries. It's composed of three separate posters that when combined create an all new poster on it's own... It's kind of a 'fourth wall' inter-dimensional type thing and you're going to want one, two, or all three of these posters. If you haven't already, go to the poster's page now and see how these posters look, and work together.
THE BLACK POSTER which features a peacock and vulture egg is letterpressed with metallic silver and blue. Jack's logo is laser cut out on the lower right.
THE WHITE POSTER is entirely laser cut, no ink has touched the page. It has a peacock cut out of it as well as Jack White's actual signature/autograph. The logo, is also cut out of the lower right.
THE BLUE POSTER is entirely laser cut as well. It has a vulture cut out of it and Jack's logo in the lower right.
When all three posters are put together it creates Jack's profile and the logo in the lower right is in three colors (one color from each poster).
THE WHITE & BLUE POSTERS will be for sale at The Ryman (75 of each per show)
THE BLACK POSTER will only be for sale here at Third Man today starting at 3pm and tomorrow (75 on Tuesday, 75 on Wednesday).
The Black Belles UK tour continues and tonight, no matter where you are you can watch them live opening up for The Horrors straight from Southend in the UK. Go to the Jack Daniel's site here for the live stream which starts at 7:50pm in the UK and catch all the action!